disconnected
hoping for a lullaby
that is sure not to come
these ears
lacking intake valves
efforts if made
fall on deaf ears
longing to hear
lacking the tools needed
to make the circuit complete
dis-con-nect. 

In a sense I have always been running

Away from your hands

Your heart

The safety tangibly found in you

The days ending quickly

Only to begin before I am ready

Consciousness lagging behind

Time passing with out consent

Because

In a sense I have always been running

Away from your hands

Your heart

The safety tangibly found in you

Once hurdles turned now barriers

My legs can not carry me where I need to go

My arms can not lift high enough to attain the goal

My neck giving way to a head hanging low

Eyes resting on worn feet

Because

In a sense I have always been running

Away from your hands

Your heart

The safety tangibly found in you

My head on the floor

Eyes parallel to tile and grout

Lines running into oblivion

Thoughts quick to follow

Coming back to the realization

That

In a sense I have always been running

Away from your hands

Your heart

The safety tangibly found in you

.because you are my assurance.

Sing to me a love song,
Sweeter than all the ones
Of this world.
Strumming heart chords
Lyrics ever on your lips
Harmony in every breath
Melody in every exhale
A song to woo this soul,
Enticing me into a new season,
With a better song.
The bass line
Deep
A pulsing heart beat
Driving action forward.
Freedom, wholeness, assurace
Every tomorrow will begin with You
Every night will end,
Tucked in the safety of your embrace.
Inhale—harmony
Exhale—melody
Heartbeat declaring security with every beat
Sing to me a new song,
Sweeter than those of this world.
Call me home.
This song on the wind,
Sweetness in every syllable
Care in syntax
Exclaimation of love in punctuation

I was walking today....across campus..and just thinking..about a lot of things but the thought that stuck with me...

if i could have anything in the world, that was not for anyone else, that was just for me, something that was not material...i would want to know how to grieve well. 

i realize that is a bit of a strange thought, but really...i feel like i walk through life grieving people, because life, is full of loss, don't get me wrong, it is full of a lot of beautiful things, but even in the middle of those, loss is an intricate part of living...

we lose people, both in death and also just in life...relationships end, friendships fall between into the gaps,

we lose circumstances.  some things in our lives are only for a season...as swiftly as they begin, they also end

we lose dreams and ideals.  and as strange as it may seem, it is necessary to grieve that ideal self, as dreams change, as circumstances change, i find myself grieving certain dreams...needing to let go of the old to make room for the new...

so if i could have one thing, it would be to grieve well. to work through the mourning and find the rejoicing, and the newness...because sometimes i get lost, in a maze of grief, struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

looking for a way out.

just thoughts. much love to you all--

welcome to a season of sweetness.
life is busy, challenging, exhausting, and so incredibly sweet.
I am where I need to be. it is a good feeling.
I am growing. and "learning to roar"
so many interesting dynamics come with fresh instillation of identity.
there are some hard things right now, but it is a fight I am ready for
how can you change the world, if you don't impact the people around you?
Why should you wait to start, if you can rock something here and now.
I am learning to love people, coming in a revelation of others love for me
funny how that is ooh so necessary.

P.S. it is fall outside. and it smells like leaves and goodness. and looks like a rainbow ralfed all over the trees. enjoy that. i am going to climb a tree before class. here i go.

much love for you.
-bflan